Somebody asked me the other day if I still write my blog.
"Of course," was my automatic reply before I even thought about it. But, then, I did think about it and I realized, I needed to add a "just not as often."
The truth is, even though I am working now, things have largely settled down. THE CHRISTMAS PROGRAMS (YES, actually, the all capital letters are quite appropriate) are behind me and I can fill my lessons with a little bit of whatever I like musically.
That's exhausting actually. Putting so much thought and creativity into planning lessons that no matter what, most people can always find something (plenty) to hate.
It's good that the Navy is transferring us I guess. It provides an escape from the job that I so desperately wanted, that I wanted to love so completely, that I really just don't feel that I am right for.
In theory these are just "first year" blues and it would get better, but I'll never know will I.
The girls cry so hard every single day when Peter and I leave for school.
And as much as I love teaching, and I love music, I would rather stay with them.
But in any case, I guess there would be more time to write these days then there was a few months back, but I think I kind of lost the writing bug. I feel bad for Lucy actually, because she's the one who's getting short changed the most by this. I guess I justify it as I spend my free days WITH her instead of obsessively taking time to write and document ABOUT her (and her siblings.)
I was sick for the entire month of January and I lost all my energy and went to bed most evenings only moments after the children. Finally, a severe pain in my rib cage, a cracked rib from too much coughing, sent me to urgent care to get the pain killers and antibiotics my body needed to finally get well again. But the rib thing is slow to heal and painful and many evenings I still retire early again.
And we're in the midst of figuring out all the details for the next move so that stress eats away at my brain. I just.... really.... don't want to talk about it to many people. Most have no actual ability to comprehend what it feels like to pack up your family and change towns for the tenth time. Ohio to Rhode Island (I didn't go because I was still in college, but Matt did, so it counts, and if you don't understand why, then it isn't worth explaining,) Rhode Island to Texas, Texas to San Diego, San Diego to Georgia (again, Matt went while I stayed behind, but it counts,) Georgia to Japan, Japan back to San Diego, San Diego to Monterey, Monterey to Washington state, Washington back to San Diego, and now back to Monterey. Did I count that right? Yes Ten Ten moves in the last... 16 years. And that't not counting all the times we switched apartments at the same duty stations.
Ugh.
It's exhausting.
New job. New house. New schools. New church. New places to dance and play sports for the kids. New doctor. New dentist. New places to shop. New hair stylist. New friends. New life.
Over and Over and Over.
And also, this is the first time we're doing it with kids who are old enough to actually care and feel the affects.
Ugggggghhhh.
We visited Monterey a few weeks back and visited schools. Beautiful schools. Amazing. Ones we can not afford.
Me, always with the caviar tastes on the tuna fish budget.
Praying for financial aide.
So tired of asking.
So tired of needing it.
Matt makes good money. Damn good money. Not anywhere near as much money as he would likely be making in the civilian world, but still, multiple times better than either of our own parents did for our families when we were kids. But still, it's never enough. The Navy sends us to expensive places.
Monterey has got to be one of the most expensivest. Yes I know that is terrible grammar. But it's true.
Look up property rentals near Pebble Peach some time.
Yikes.
And as much as the area is lovely, there's not actually all that much there.
I kind of don't even get it.
But the Navy is sending us anyway again so we have to make it work.
Glad to be making the change, but also so frustrated about it. It is always nice to start a new adventure. Move to a newer, bigger, cleaner house. Try new things. Make new friends.
Heck I can think of at least one or two people here I'll be glad to say goodbye to. But also, so so so many more that I don't want to say goodbye to at all..
So.
Yeah.
I still blog.
Or, I'll try to.
There's just too much right now.
Too much.
"Of course," was my automatic reply before I even thought about it. But, then, I did think about it and I realized, I needed to add a "just not as often."
The truth is, even though I am working now, things have largely settled down. THE CHRISTMAS PROGRAMS (YES, actually, the all capital letters are quite appropriate) are behind me and I can fill my lessons with a little bit of whatever I like musically.
That's exhausting actually. Putting so much thought and creativity into planning lessons that no matter what, most people can always find something (plenty) to hate.
It's good that the Navy is transferring us I guess. It provides an escape from the job that I so desperately wanted, that I wanted to love so completely, that I really just don't feel that I am right for.
In theory these are just "first year" blues and it would get better, but I'll never know will I.
The girls cry so hard every single day when Peter and I leave for school.
And as much as I love teaching, and I love music, I would rather stay with them.
But in any case, I guess there would be more time to write these days then there was a few months back, but I think I kind of lost the writing bug. I feel bad for Lucy actually, because she's the one who's getting short changed the most by this. I guess I justify it as I spend my free days WITH her instead of obsessively taking time to write and document ABOUT her (and her siblings.)
I was sick for the entire month of January and I lost all my energy and went to bed most evenings only moments after the children. Finally, a severe pain in my rib cage, a cracked rib from too much coughing, sent me to urgent care to get the pain killers and antibiotics my body needed to finally get well again. But the rib thing is slow to heal and painful and many evenings I still retire early again.
And we're in the midst of figuring out all the details for the next move so that stress eats away at my brain. I just.... really.... don't want to talk about it to many people. Most have no actual ability to comprehend what it feels like to pack up your family and change towns for the tenth time. Ohio to Rhode Island (I didn't go because I was still in college, but Matt did, so it counts, and if you don't understand why, then it isn't worth explaining,) Rhode Island to Texas, Texas to San Diego, San Diego to Georgia (again, Matt went while I stayed behind, but it counts,) Georgia to Japan, Japan back to San Diego, San Diego to Monterey, Monterey to Washington state, Washington back to San Diego, and now back to Monterey. Did I count that right? Yes Ten Ten moves in the last... 16 years. And that't not counting all the times we switched apartments at the same duty stations.
Ugh.
It's exhausting.
New job. New house. New schools. New church. New places to dance and play sports for the kids. New doctor. New dentist. New places to shop. New hair stylist. New friends. New life.
Over and Over and Over.
And also, this is the first time we're doing it with kids who are old enough to actually care and feel the affects.
Ugggggghhhh.
We visited Monterey a few weeks back and visited schools. Beautiful schools. Amazing. Ones we can not afford.
Me, always with the caviar tastes on the tuna fish budget.
Praying for financial aide.
So tired of asking.
So tired of needing it.
Matt makes good money. Damn good money. Not anywhere near as much money as he would likely be making in the civilian world, but still, multiple times better than either of our own parents did for our families when we were kids. But still, it's never enough. The Navy sends us to expensive places.
Monterey has got to be one of the most expensivest. Yes I know that is terrible grammar. But it's true.
Look up property rentals near Pebble Peach some time.
Yikes.
And as much as the area is lovely, there's not actually all that much there.
I kind of don't even get it.
But the Navy is sending us anyway again so we have to make it work.
Glad to be making the change, but also so frustrated about it. It is always nice to start a new adventure. Move to a newer, bigger, cleaner house. Try new things. Make new friends.
Heck I can think of at least one or two people here I'll be glad to say goodbye to. But also, so so so many more that I don't want to say goodbye to at all..
So.
Yeah.
I still blog.
Or, I'll try to.
There's just too much right now.
Too much.